I am soul searching...
caught between what I want for myself and what’s best for others. I am making it a mission to go out of my way to help others…and chastise people for hurting others knowingly. Which also means that I must practice what I preach. I am not going to talk negatively about a person. Nope. I am going to be an adult…no, even better? I am going to be a Christian, well, more of a Christian than I already am. I am going to continue to make a positive difference in the life of others.
I have been getting the most wonderful feeling from helping people in need. It’s like a high that I never want to fade away. I am soul searching-it’s hard, yet I feel as though I found the soul that I’ve been searching for. Buried under all the years of hurt, pain, heartbreak, let downs, tears, and sadness I have found that soul…and I am holding on to it until the end.
I was a victim of child abuse.
Not many people know that…but I was. My babysitter was a horrible person, but maybe she’s changed. I still get goosebumps and tears of rage and sorrow when I think about her. I found it in my heart to forgive her, yet that part of me is hurt and still in pain. Til this day, I just want to ask her why should would do such horrible things to a child. Some of the marks still remain. I know that she left a major impact on my life and how I perceive people in general. Yet, I am strong..and I am still here, but you just cannot get over things like that….
I'm HUMAN. I make mistakes. I'm an intellectual, yet an idiot. I have trust issues, I wish I could work on them, but I can't...I don't tell people alot about me. No one on this earth knows everything about me. My life is complicated although it may appear easy and peaceful. I can't handle certain forms of stress; I break things when pushed to my limit. I store up all my anger/frustration/pain in and release it all at once; don't be the unlucky soul that makes me unleash it [for some reason it's usually my mom].
So I'm distancing myself from a lot of people nowadays...I wish that I could continue to run away from my problems, but I can't. So I just ignore and avoid them until they go away; confronting them only when necessary. They say I'm an outspoken person by nature...but I can control it. My fault is that I care too much about people; I don't even have to know or like them. I want to change that. I don't want to care. I wish I could wish death upon a person and not take it back...but I can't.
I'll kill you with kindness and smiles.
I think it's funny how God tests our faith...but shit happens, and you've gotta deal with it. Right?
caught between what I want for myself and what’s best for others. I am making it a mission to go out of my way to help others…and chastise people for hurting others knowingly. Which also means that I must practice what I preach. I am not going to talk negatively about a person. Nope. I am going to be an adult…no, even better? I am going to be a Christian, well, more of a Christian than I already am. I am going to continue to make a positive difference in the life of others.
I have been getting the most wonderful feeling from helping people in need. It’s like a high that I never want to fade away. I am soul searching-it’s hard, yet I feel as though I found the soul that I’ve been searching for. Buried under all the years of hurt, pain, heartbreak, let downs, tears, and sadness I have found that soul…and I am holding on to it until the end.
I was a victim of child abuse.
Not many people know that…but I was. My babysitter was a horrible person, but maybe she’s changed. I still get goosebumps and tears of rage and sorrow when I think about her. I found it in my heart to forgive her, yet that part of me is hurt and still in pain. Til this day, I just want to ask her why should would do such horrible things to a child. Some of the marks still remain. I know that she left a major impact on my life and how I perceive people in general. Yet, I am strong..and I am still here, but you just cannot get over things like that….
I'm HUMAN. I make mistakes. I'm an intellectual, yet an idiot. I have trust issues, I wish I could work on them, but I can't...I don't tell people alot about me. No one on this earth knows everything about me. My life is complicated although it may appear easy and peaceful. I can't handle certain forms of stress; I break things when pushed to my limit. I store up all my anger/frustration/pain in and release it all at once; don't be the unlucky soul that makes me unleash it [for some reason it's usually my mom].
So I'm distancing myself from a lot of people nowadays...I wish that I could continue to run away from my problems, but I can't. So I just ignore and avoid them until they go away; confronting them only when necessary. They say I'm an outspoken person by nature...but I can control it. My fault is that I care too much about people; I don't even have to know or like them. I want to change that. I don't want to care. I wish I could wish death upon a person and not take it back...but I can't.
I'll kill you with kindness and smiles.
I think it's funny how God tests our faith...but shit happens, and you've gotta deal with it. Right?
xoxo,
Miss Nwoka
Our faith is always tested in life. As we were created in God's image, Does it me physical appearance. No!.. We were given by God to choose between good and evil. That every individual is unique with different paths to follow.. your post is excellent and reflect your experiences and destiny. Be just. Believe on your values Share and love..El que sigue el camino de D_os encontrara su felicidad en el momento oportuno. Un abrazo Jimmy Kopelia
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